Chad's Story

This blog post is a very special, and personal one.  My husband sat down and worked on his Relay For Life page tonight, and to my surprise, he shared his story on WHY Relay for Life is important to him.  It was so inspiring to me, that I had to share it with you here. 
As always- for the cure!
Cassi

Hello Everyone,

I have decided after two years to join another Relay for Life Team.  I have been active in Relay helping my wife and son’s teams, but I haven’t joined.   Honestly, the memories are still very hard for me deal with. What I have enjoyed over the years is sitting back, and watching everyone fight to end cancer.  Everyone always had a common goal.  Last year at Relay they had a fight back activity where you made a pledge for the year of how you were going to fight for the cause. This took me back, because I have always been hiding while my family fights.  So, my pledge for the year was that I would share my story of my family’s battle with cancer, and be more involved.  I would hopefully let people who are out there that feel the same way know that is ok to hurt for the ones they have lost.  Also, hopefully it will show them that it is right to fight for the cause, and stand with all the people that are willing to do it.

At age 7 I had my first experience with cancer.  My mother had stage 4 ovarian cancer. This was a time when Chemo wasn’t really around. Through my mother’s strong will and stubbornness, she became one of a very few that survived this disease.  She didn’t make it out of the fight without scars, to this day she has a wide list of health problems that she has been fighting with for the past 25 years of her life.  At seven, I was very unsure of what would happen.  I can remember walking down a lot of hospital hall ways, and being in the hospital room with a lot of families in them. Still having my mother here to this day is amazing.

 My mom today.

The next experience with cancer was with my father five years ago.  My father was the rock for my family. He was the one that we all turned to whenever there was a problem.  One day, while working In Oklahoma City, I received a phone call from my mother saying that my father was in the hospital.  My heart dropped to floor.  I got to Arkansas as soon as I could.  Once there I found that many test had been ran on my father, and they had found that he had stomach cancer that had grown to a 90% blockage of his esophagus.

This struck me very hard.  I was torn, because my father was in pain, and my life was in a completely different state over five hours away.   Once we got the plan from the same doctor that had treated my mother seventeen years before, I returned home. Over the course of a month I spoke to my family every day for updates, and tried to return to my life. One day, I called and talked to my father.  He was very down, and told me his one fear was that if it did come time for his fight to be over, he would be in a strange place that he didn’t call home.  This caused me to hurt for my father, so I made a decision that was difficult for me to make, even though I knew that I had go and be with him.  My wife and I had just really started dating, and it is amazing that she stuck with me during this time, because I was so distant from everything in my life.  I had to have a conversation with Cassi, and tell her I had to leave Oklahoma and return home.  She was so supportive, and said that she understood. So a week later I left Oklahoma to help my mother take care of my father. 

 Cassi and I when we first started dating.

Once returning home we began our battle.  By then chemo had completely broke my once strong father.  He had gone from 195ibs to 90 lbs, and I think he lost weight every day after that. He was on a feeding tube because he couldn’t swallow any food.  Just thinking about that is enough to kill me.  My father didn’t taste food for the last year of his life. We tried a wide variety of treatments, he had chemo while hospitalized, chemo from home, radiation, and surgeries. None of these were successful. The time I knew that the outlook wasn’t going to be good we were at the doctor’s office getting him a chemo treatment , and he got up to go to the bathroom.  After five steps,  he went straight down into my arms. It was a downward spiral after that. 

 The family after dad started chemo.

My hope was gone, and I was a beaten man.  The only thing that kept me going was that Cassi had decided that I shouldn’t go through this alone.  She decided to make a huge leap in her and her two year old son’s life.  She left her job, and moved to Arkansas.  She helped give me strength, and became another care giver for my father during his last year.  My mother, Cassi , and I worked in shifts taking care of my father .  

                           Wes and I in a rare moment of play time after moving to Arkansas.

 He didn’t do a lot of walking the final three months of his life. I remember him falling, and my mother calling me at work, and me coming home to check on him. Once I got there I knew he was really bad, and close to the end. I told him that I was going to call an ambulance and I remember him being so mad at me- like I had betrayed him, because his wish was to pass away at home. I was crying when I told him these words, “I am not willing to give up on you yet , dad,  and I am not willing to let you give up either.  I give you my word, once they tell us it’s over; I will break you out of the hospital if I have to, and bring you home.  I am just not willing stop fighting.” His response to this was, “Well fine at least shave me,  I am not going to go anywhere looking like a mountain man that can’t even take care of himself.” He was always worried about being proper, and how he didn’t want people to see him as weak.  So, I shaved his face, combed his hair, and we took him to the hospital.

Once at the hospital, the doctors didn’t want us to lose hope, so they kept up with the treatments and the other things for quality of life that they could do. We were in the hospital for almost a month until they finally said he would be lucky to survive a couple more days.  I was the one that had to lean over while he was in the hospital bed, and inform him of what we had been told.  In the edited words of my father he said “Stuff happens.” Than he looked me dead in my eyes, and said, “Son, I know I said I never wanted you to put life on hold for me, but I am glad you are here.”  At that moment,  I knew what we had to do, which was grant his wish and take him home.

Getting him home was not an easy task. We had hospice (which is a life saver please don’t miss read what I am writing- they help so many families, and I can’t thank them enough) but, hospice can only be there so much.  There are so many people that need them throughout the city they work in, they came in for around an hour a day, and the rest of the time it is up to caregiver’s.   I will spare you the details of all of the health care that my mother, Cassi and I had to do, but I would like to say that as a father myself,  I will do anything that I can never to have my son do the things for me that I had to do for my father.  Every day I close my eyes, and I can only remember the bad times while my father was sick.  I struggle to remember all of the great things he had done. Every once in a while when I get ready for work,  I hear my father’s voice saying “Make sure your shirt lines up with your zipper boy.” Or, “Slow down while you are shaving your missing to many spots.” and I smile.

My father survived for three weeks which was a lot longer than the two days they thought while he was in the hospital. During that time Cassi did a lot of reading for me about how to cope and deal with losing a loved one.   She also researched things we could do to help make things easier for my father.  The main thing she found was you always needed to make sure you said goodbyes, and let them know you loved them. This was hard for me and my father, because we were both non affectionate type people.  But, two days before he passed I took the opportunity to tell him how much I loved him and that I promised I would watch over the family. He looked at me and said “I love you to, now stop this.  I am having enough trouble right now without all this boo hooing.” I know this sounds harsh, but no sweeter of words could have been said by Jack Selby.

The last night was horrible.  We had to hold my father down, and it was like watching World War Three was going on in his body.  The only thing I really remember was telling Cassi to take Wes out of the house, because he shouldn’t see this.  Then, I remember sitting next to the bed and feeling peace go through the house.   I looked up, and my father, after a year of fighting, had passed.

My father passing away was not a total loss to me.  First, it gave me my wife, Cassi.  We got married on October 10^th, 2010 (or 10-10-10, so I can always remember it.) She took the experience, and channeled her love for my father to Relay for Life.  And, if I do say for myself, she is one of the biggest fighters for the cause I have ever met in my life.  Her passion in turn, has rubbed off on our now seven year old son. His name is Wes, but you might know him as “Cancer Man.”  Last year my son decided he didn’t want to just tag along with Cassi, and do Relay stuff.   He wanted to do things to make money for himself.  He came out of the end of the year as the top fundraiser in our area- at the age of seven.  I will tell you, he could be a high school quarter back and throw the winning touchdown in the championship game, and I wouldn’t be as proud of him as I am for his fight against cancer.

 I hope this encourages you all to donate to the great cause, and stand with us.  Whether it to me, or someone you know, a dollar can help save someone’s life.

A balloon release at our wedding reception to honor my dad.  Cassi and Wes wanted to send him a message to heaven.

Relay For Life campsite ideas!

We just finished Relaying BIG at RFL Custer County this weekend, and I wanted to take some time to share some of the awesome campsite ideas I saw, including my own, and a few others that I have seen online!

 This year our theme was Colors For The Cause, and each campsite represented a different type of cancer.  Our color was pink, for breast cancer, because Wesley's principal is a cancer survivor! I wanted to do something that had never been seen before- so rolled up my sleeves and put my artist thinking cap on :)  I wanted to show support for breast cancer without using some of the puns that are usually associated with it like "save the hooters".  I wanted this for two reasons- the first was because our team is an elementary school, and I don't think it is a good idea to teach kids to call breasts hooters.  And second, I read a blog that a survivor wrote saying how offensive those things felt to her, and how she thought it minimized the seriousness of the disease.  Here is what I came up with!

 I started by hand painting the top of our canopy with acrylic paints.  I am not sure how well this would translate into an outdoor event (if it rained) but our event is inside, so it worked great!  The canopy was set up in the middle of our living room for about two weeks while I did this (working on it for about an hour every evening when I had free time) so I have to give major props to my son and hubby for putting up with that!  Under each word I out a quote that pertained to the word that was painted above it. 

 We decorated the top and the supporting poles with deco mesh.  It was really easy to put on, and we just attached it with pipe cleaners!  The best part about this part of the project is we now have tons of deco mesh to turn into wreaths to sell for next years fundraising!  We also tied big ribbons onto the poles, and added pink monarch butterfly wings (which are a symbol for breast cancer).  I bought the wings on Ebay for about $6 each, and they actually started as the kind little girls wear for a costume.  I just cut off the elastic!

 

I love making balloon sculptures, because it is an inexpensive project that makes a HUGE impact.  When I saw this idea on Pinterest, I knew we had to do it at our campsite!  You can find great instructions for a basic balloon arch here .  The only difference is I use clusters of three instead of four.  To create the ribbon effect, simply bend your arch into a ribbon shape!  People were stopping here to take pictures all night!  

 

I also wanted to do something besides just fund raise at our site.  So, I decided it would be a great way to "fight back" by signing people up for a free mammogram reminder.  I found a free reminder service on the American Cancer Society's website, and created a form for people to fill out based on that.  Then we simply entered the information they filled out into the site! Feel free to use my form!

 Here is another amazing idea we saw that night from my friends over at The Etc Shop!  This is a great idea for those of you who have tents that are already decorated, or a different color than you want them to be (I am totally stealing this idea next year!)

They took those cheap $1 table cloths, and attached them to a piece of round cardboard (just a box they cut with a box knife into a donut shape!)with clear packing tape, and used it to cover their canopy- the result was an awesome big top look that amazing!

 

The thing I love most about this, is it could be changed to virtually any color based on your theme!  It will definitely make your site stand out of the crowd!  Way to go Team Etc! 

Here are a few more awesome site ideas!

This Naples RFL team's tent depicts 32 actors and actresses who had cancer during the 15th annual Relay for Life of Naples.  What a great idea for a Hollywood theme!  You could even include a walk of stars with survivors names!

Relaying outside at night?  Glow sticks make great decorations with a big impact!  Check out amazon- they are a great place to buy in bulk!

Lidy went wild with the Fishing For A Cure theme, and I love it!  You can check out her blog post on how she did it here.

Last, but not least- Put Cancer on Ice!  How cool (hehe no pun intended) is this one?  They used recycled milk gallon bottles to make the ice cubes! 

What does your site look like?  Do you have any fun ideas for next year?  Share below, and subscribe!

For the cause!
Cassi

PS- Like what you see?  Follow my Relay board on Pinterest!

How to help your little one make a BIG difference!

It's RELAY SEASON!  In our house, Relay Season falls from January 1st, through mid April- and we literally celebrate it like it is a holiday.  Except, Relay season is better than a holiday, because instead of GETTING- we spend it giving, and raising money to make other people's lives better!  The best part about this time of year for me is seeing how passionate Wes (who is 6) gets about fighting back against cancer.  Being a parent of a little philanthropist takes a lot of creativity.  Mainly, because it is important to teach them that they can do SO MUCH, with the skills and the tools that they have available!  Teaching kids to do good things like volunteering and paying it forward at a young age (and making it fun!) will help them learn that doing good as an adult is NOT a chore, but something that makes you feel wonderful!

Now, not to toot my own horn or anything- but I like to consider myself the guru of teaching kids to have fun while fundraising and giving. Today, I want to share my best tips and ideas for  making fundraising for any event or charity a fun thing for kids!

But first- let me tell you about the amazing benefits of having a child that learns to give at a young age.  Did you know that children who are taught to help others at a young age become more resilient adults?  Why?  Because, they learn that they are not the only ones with problems, and they can bounce back easier from whatever is thrown their way! Volunteering teaches children about passion, and responsibility, and helps them learn to be thankful for what they have.  And, according to a recent study by World Volunteer Web “youth who volunteer are less likely to engage in risky behavior, are more likely to feel connected to their communities, and tend to do better in school.”

Now, in my opinion- leading by example is the key to success.  So, find something that you can all get excited and passionate about.  It makes the experience that much more amazing!  If you are not already volunteering or fundraising- here are a few reasons why YOU should do it from The John Tesh Blog!

• First: You’ll live longer. Researchers at the University of Michigan tracked over 1,200 seniors for a decade. The result: Those who volunteered on a regular basis were 40-percent more likely to be alive at the end of the study. That’s because volunteering increases the levels of hormones that help cells repair themselves. 

• The next benefit of volunteering: The “helper’s high.” Dr. Stephen Post is the author of The Hidden Gifts of Helping. And he says just thinking about doing a good deed causes your brain to release the feel-good chemical dopamine. And helping others releases so much mood-boosting serotonin that it’s just as effective as some medications at treating depression.

• Another good reason to volunteer: You’ll feel better about yourself! In one study, people with multiple sclerosis were trained to provide compassionate support over the phone to fellow MS sufferers. The result? The helpers were more self-confident and reported higher levels of self-esteem.
•  Finally: Helping others improves relationships. Dr. Stephanie Brown specializes in preventive medicine. And points to research on people who take care of a spouse suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. No matter how challenging things get, if there was love and caring in the relationship to begin with, the caregiver develops even stronger feelings of love and compassion for their ailing mate.

 

Are you pumped yet?  You should be!  Let's get on to the fun part! 

When working with kids, it is important to include them in every aspect of the fundraising or volunteering.  For us, American Cancer Society's Relay for Life is the perfect fit.  Since Wesley's Poppy died from cancer, and we know NUMEROUS survivors (and even other kids who are fighting cancer!) it is something we can do to feel like we are fighting back!  You want you child to understand WHY they are doing what they are doing- which may seem hard to do with a 5 or 6 year old.  But fear not- as a parent, you know the best way to communicate things with your kids!  Here is a GREAT example from my best friend (who's daughter, Kenzy, is my sons BFF, girlfriend- and in his mind- future wife)

 

Kenzy - " Momma you mean even kids could have caner"

Mel - "Yes baby even kids can have cancer"

Kenzy - "So we can give our money to all of the kids who are sick and then they will be all better"

Mel - "Do you want to do Relay for Life for kids who have cancer"

Kenzy - " UUmm I think so because kids should not have cancer"

After you talk to your child about what they want to do- get their ideas on how they want to do it!  You will be amazed at the ideas they have!  Kids love to see their ideas come to fruition, and it shows them that they truly CAN do this.

Now, if you are doing an event like Relay for Life- it is time to rally the troops, and ask your friends (and your kids friends) if they would like to join you!  Why?  Volunteering is more fun when you are doing it with the people you love!  Luckily for me, Mel, my best friend, is equally passionate about making a difference for others, and we fuel each others fires when it comes to brainstorming, and fundraising!  We joke that we should have T-shirts that should say "Warning: this momma is in RELAY mode!"  The best thing about this is our passion transfers to the kids, and they start getting REALLY excited about what we are doing together!

 

Wes and Kenzy working on a Relay poster together

Now, you have a plan- you are excited, and ready to make a difference!  Here are our favorite ways to raise money!

Letter Writing

Sit down with your kiddo, and have them write a letter to potential donors.  It doesn't have to be long or eloquent- just your child's words on why they want to make a difference, and how they are doing it.  Remember to be flexible, and let them have fun with it!  Draw pictures, use stickers- you name it!  Here is the mommy works smarter not harder part- make color copies of the letters, and mail them to every person you send a Christmas card to.  If you are doing Relay For Life- take the letters to your local chair, and they will send them to ACS for mailing- they will cover the postage! 

Here is an alternative method that will help with writing skills!  Mel has Kenzy write one letter a day as "homework"  (she is in kindergarten) which helps her work on sentences, spelling, and letter placement :)

If you are on facebook, instagram, or pinterest- share the letter!  You should be proud of what you are doing- and there is no shame in showing your child's amazing work off! 

It is important to me to make sure Wes properly thanks all of the donors who send him a donation online, or in the mail.  So after school each day, we have a special time where he sends thank you emails, and letters to all of the people who have helped him! 

HUGS FOR SALE!

This is by far Wesley's favorite fundraiser!  Why?  He gets to tell people about what he is doing, hug people all day, and spend time with his friends!  The great thing about selling hugs, is it is something kids can do with the resources they have- their big hearts!  Contact a local store, and find out if they would be willing to let you stand outside of their business to sell hugs.  Chad Nabors of Nabors Shoe Center is always generous about letting us do this, and even posts about it on his stores facebook page to help us get extra attention!  Tell everyone you know what you are doing- you will be amazed at how many people show up for hugs!  Let your child color a poster to hold- after all, this is THEIR big  event! 

A little something we learned doing this in previous years was that a lot of people don't carry cash.  To help this problem, I made the kids cards up on 4 by 6 photo's (which I then cut in half) so that they could hand them out to people who wanted more information, couldn't donate right then, or didn't have any cash on them.  The kids also learn a lot of great lessons while selling their hugs.  How to be polite and respectful when asking for something, saying thank you when given something, and how to deal with rejection when someone doesn't donate. 

A Date With....

Now, I have to say that I can not take credit for this next idea, but it is genius!  My friend Cheryl Smith is a Community Development Director for The American Cancer Society (or as Wes calls her- The BIG Boss of Relay).  After seeing the letter Wes wrote on facebook, she emailed me and said she would donate to Wes if he would go on a breakfast date with her!  He jumped at the idea!  Not only did he get to raise money for his goal, but he got to spend some very valuable time with someone who wanted to hear all of his ideas about raising money, and why he wanted to do it.  His date ended up lasting two hours, and he enjoyed every single minute of it!

Well friends, I just realized that I have written what is the start of a novel! HAHA!  I have so many more exciting ideas to share with you!  Stay tuned for my next post coming soon!  Remember- little kids can make a HUGE difference!  Happy fundraising! 

To find a Relay For Life event near you, please visit http://www.relayforlife.org !

XO

Cassi 

PS- if you enjoyed this post and would like to help Wes reach his goal of raising $1000 for Relay for Life, please visit Wesley's Relay page!

or to help me reach mine check out my Relay page!