Affirmation

I want to preface this blog by telling you a little about my health.  I have severe anxiety disorder- which basically means, certain triggers make me feel like I am suffocating and having a heart attack.  Most people who know me have no idea that this is something that I deal with on a day to day basis.  The reason I want to share this, is because when I was first diagnosed, I felt really alone- and like I was a "crazy person"- so for those of you that are out there and reading this and suffer from anxiety... I want you to know that you are not alone.  


Because of my anxiety disorder, I take a medication that helps control my over active emotions, to prevent me from being in a constant state of panic.  I'll be honest- I feel like they saved my life.  But, because of this, I don't feel emotions in the same way that I used to.  I always joke that I am like Data (from Star Trek), and I have an emotion chip that has to be activated- haha!  But the point of this is- it takes a lot for me to feel the emotions that I felt the other day- so I hope you keep that in mind as you read this. 


The last few weeks have been very testing for me.  I always try to stay positive, but a lot of things have been going on that left me questioning myself, and my faith.  Chad has started a new job, and he is gone for weeks at a time (and I miss him!), we got news that Chad's mom has cancer (for those of you that don't know- his dad died from cancer a few years ago, so this is an extremely heavy blow), and I am still on the verge of taking my business in a new direction- trying to figure out what I am going to do now that my previous Etsy shop got unexpectedly closed down.


So, by now you have heard me talk about my Fair Trade Nepal bracelets.  For me, this is a leap of faith into an unknown territory.  I have spent a lot of time working on this project, and it makes me happy, because when I sell them, I know that I am helping change another persons life in a good way.  But, like every new venture- it is scary to spend a lot of time and money on something, when you are not sure if it is going to fly, or fail.  All I know is that the thing that makes me happiest is making other people happy, and doing good for others- so I have to try.  Keep in mind, I don't make a lot of money from doing this- but the point is not to get rich, the point is to make a difference.  Some things in life are more important than money.




I got a beautiful new order of bracelets in this week.  I was so excited to get them listed up on the new website (which likes to fight me tooth and nail sometimes- I am pretty sure that is a user issue though- not a server issue!)  Finally, all of the work was done, and I was ready to launch the site- with the bracelets- ready to go... this is IT.  


I post the link to the new site on Facebook- and all of the sudden.. my email starts going crazy!  Order 1... order 2... order 3...  Yes!  


Then, a few hours later, I randomly check my email and I surprised to see a new order- it is from a customer turned friend, who I am going to call D (gosh forbid I get famous someday and the paparazzi comes looking for her if I use her real name! HAHAHAHA!) 


It's a big order.


I am immediately overwhelmed with emotions.  So much, that I burst into tears- I can't stay sitting in my chair I am so overwhelmed, so I kneel on the floor, and lean onto my chair, and cry.  All I can do is pray, and thank God for showing me that this can work- people do care, and I am on the right path.  This is my sign, my affirmation that I have needed to tell me that I am going in the right direction.


I email D, and thank her for what she just did.  I tell her about everything that is going on, and that she gave me that push that I needed- she made a huge difference in my life.  I will never forget that moment. D emails me back, and sends me this.  It is so appropriate for my current situation, and when I read it- I had goosebumps.

... Keep walking with Me along the path I have chosen for you. Your desire to live close to Me is a delight to My heart. I could instantly grant you the spiritual riches you desire, but that is not My way for you. Together we will forge a pathway up the high mountain. The journey is arduous at times, and you are weak. Someday you will dance lightfooted on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend. Stay on the path I have selected for you. It is truly the path of life.

Psalm 37:23-24; Psalm 16:11

Today is a new day, and I am looking at it in a new light.  No, what I am doing is not easy- but it is the right thing.  I am thankful for all I have- and I know that I have a chance to make a difference in the world... one act of kindness at at time.  

If you are interested in helping me support women with fair trade items- there are still some amazing bracelets available- just swing over to http://cassiselby.com, and click the fair trade button at the top of the screen. 

Have a great weekend everyone!
XO 
Cass